Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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