My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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