i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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