he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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