I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
