I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
