Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
