What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
