first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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