Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
