is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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