haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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