please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
