i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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