Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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