Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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