there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
