just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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