am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
