I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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