Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
