I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
