So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
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I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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