He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
