what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
