What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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