I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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