Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
