Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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