a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
