i just wanna soil my oats bro
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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