i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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