My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
