is your mom at the bar?
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She announced her abortion via fbk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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