I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
