I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
