I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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