i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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