I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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