Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
