have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
