I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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