While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
