yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
