I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
