i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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