talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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