These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
