it was like eating out sand paper
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
