There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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