I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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