dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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