I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
