I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
