i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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