I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
