i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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