well I can't set my house on fire every night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
