You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
