yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
