its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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