just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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