I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
