I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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