Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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