I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
You smell like stripper and shame
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
