lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
