Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
