That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
