babies were throwing up all over the place
im holly from the hills drunk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
