chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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