I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
