my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My balls are so social today.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
