I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
