Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
