I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the condom got lost in my hair
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
