420 ftw
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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